So here I am. In Cupertino, California. Just 3 miles as the borked Time Capsule flies from the Apple Campus.

Well, it’s a Campus and I’m a prankster. So I might have to get all Delta House on Apple, Inc. Here are the pranks on my list so far:

• TP the topiary at One Infinite Loop.
• Rent a Ford Focus with Microsoft SYNC and drive around the Apple Campus blasting my Zune.
• Leave a flaming bag of dog shit in Steve Jobs parking space.
• Stencil “RESERVED FOR COLONEL PANIC” in Steve Jobs parking spot.
• Sneak into the cafeteria and sit in a conspicuous location, reading Gizmodo on my VAIO.
• Plaster LIRR “Watch The Gap” signs all over Apple HQ.
• Hook up car batteries to seats in the Yerba Buena Center to deliver electric shocks at random during Steve Jobs Keynotes.
• Stand outside of Apple HQ in a trenchcoat with an IPod HiFi over my head blasting Feist covers of Peter Gabriel.
• Sticker Steve Jobs’ Mercedes with giant oversize versions of the crap decals found on PC laptops.
• Write “Thanks To This Bumper I Get Phone Reception” on the back of Jobs’ Mercedes.
• Post a sign that says “This Sign Means ‘Handcap-Accessible Parking, Not ‘Reserved For Chairman.’”
• Send cupcakes, donuts, eclairs, and frozen yogurt to the iPhone Dev Team.
• Dress up in a safari outfit with pith helmet and khakis and play dead in the lobby.

Sorry Apple, but you’re now the Dean Wormer of the computer industry.