Guys…

I’m going to need all your help.

Right now, I’m at Riker’s pending trial.  While the judge didn’t deny my bail, he did set it at $250,000, which I don’t have.  I don’t even have the $25,000 to post a bond.  So I’m soliciting donations.

Look, I’m not denying that I beat all those thugs and hookers to death.  I did.  But I did it because I had to save my girlfriend from some black warriors (at least that’s what they call themselves).

It’s not like I shot anyone.  I didn’t. 

Granted, I did beat a lot of people to death with steel bats and chains.  I also killed some whores with their own whips.  I stabbed a bunch of people (both black people and white people) with throwing knives. And then there were all the explosives and flaming oil drums.  Sorry - I didn’t realize that people in NYC were still touchy about explosions.  Also, I beat some people to death with rocks.

But I had a plan!  As we all know, when people die, they “blink” several times and then their bloodied corpses disappear from existence.  This didn’t happen though.  WHAT GIVES?!  I was supposed to go on a killing rampage and leave no trace of carnage.

Please help.  My brother Jimmy has set up a place where you can send donations.  It’s the “William Lee Defense Fund Charity.”  Your kindness will be appreciated.

/signed

Billy